The Quiet Approach: Start by Listening, Not Talking…

You know those moments when you're at your wit's end, and you mutter, "My child just doesn't listen" ?

Picture this: You're passionately explaining something to your child, and their eyes start to glaze over. You've lost them. It's like talking to a brick wall. 

Yep, we've all been there. But let me let you in on a little secret: sometimes, when we say "listen," we really mean "obey." And that's where we may be getting it all wrong.

But have you ever wondered if maybe, just maybe, the problem isn't that they're not listening but that we're not listening to them?

One evening, as I was trying to get my daughter to do her homework, she looked at me and said, "You never listen to me, Mom." It hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought I was a good listener, but in that moment, I realized I was more of a talker than a listener.

Most kids struggle to listen because, well, we talk a whole lot more than we listen. It's time to change that narrative. You know that old saying, "Children learn what they live" ? It couldn't be more accurate. If we want our kids to become great listeners, we need to set an example. But how can they possibly learn the art of listening if we don't show them what it looks like? Think about it.

Ever noticed how kids have this uncanny ability to "tune out" when we start our well-intentioned lectures? It's almost like they've developed selective hearing. But here's the thing: Children will listen to you, truly listen, after they've felt heard themselves. So, what's the secret sauce to making this happen?

The Ultimate Tool: Listen

The game-changer is simple yet powerful: Stop. Listen. That's it. No interruptions, no defenses, no commands. Just listen.

Here's a little experiment for you. Pay attention to how often you find yourself interrupting, explaining, defending your position, giving a lecture, or issuing commands when your child tries to talk to you. It happens more often than we realize.

Now, I get it. Sometimes, we're itching to jump in with advice, solutions, or our own perspectives. But hold off for a moment. It's perfectly okay to ask questions like, "Can you give me an example?" or "Is there anything else?" These questions show that you're genuinely interested in what your child has to say. Only when your child is finished sharing should you consider if they're willing to hear your perspective. After all, it's a two-way street. Once you've both had your say, shift your focus to finding a solution that works for both of you.

The best part of this approach lies in its ability to empower your child. When they feel heard, when their thoughts and feelings are validated, they become more open to considering your viewpoint too. It's a beautiful cycle of mutual respect and understanding.

Lastly, the most profound listening happens in silence. Be present with your child. Give them your undivided attention, whether they're sharing the latest school drama or discussing their dreams. Your presence alone communicates that they matter, and that's a gift beyond words.

In the end, it's not about teaching your child to obey; it's about nurturing their ability to listen, to empathize, and to communicate effectively. So, the next time you catch yourself itching to talk, remember this: Shut up and listen first. You might just be amazed at the connection and understanding that blooms from this simple yet powerful act.