“When you say ‘Yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself.”
— Paulo Coelho

For most of my life, I’ve been a chronic yes-sayer. You need help with that extra project? Sure, I can handle it. Another social event on my calendar when all I want is to relax? Why not. Taking on someone else's responsibilities because I felt guilty? Of course! Saying yes felt like the right thing to do—like I was being helpful, supportive, and dependable.

But here’s the thing: saying yes to everyone else often meant saying no to myself.

I remember a moment when it really hit me. I had just agreed to help a colleague with yet another project, on top of my already full workload, and all I could think was, Why did I say yes again? I was stressed, stretched thin, and running on fumes. Yet, I couldn't shake the guilt of saying no.

Sound familiar?

If you’re like me, you might struggle with saying no because you don’t want to let people down. Maybe you don’t want to be seen as selfish, or you're afraid of missing out.

But what I’ve learned—slowly, and sometimes painfully—is that saying no isn’t selfish.

I used to think that being available for everyone and everything made me a better person. But over time, I realized that all those yeses were draining me. I felt overwhelmed, burned out, and often resentful, even though I had technically “chosen” to help.

It wasn’t until I started setting boundaries—learning how to say no—that I began to feel more in control of my life.

The idea of saying no terrified me at first. But once I started, I noticed something: people didn’t react as negatively as I thought they would. And even when they did, I survived. My world didn’t fall apart because I said no, and neither did theirs.

Saying no isn’t just about turning down a request. It’s about protecting your energy, your time, your well-being and your mental health. It’s about recognizing your own needs and making sure they’re being met, too. For me, it was a game-changer in maintaining my sanity and harmony in life.

5 (Quick) Q-Tips To Kindly AND Firmly Say NO

I’ll be real with you—learning to say no wasn’t easy for me. It took time, practice, and a whole lot of awkward “I-can’t-do-this” moments. But the more I did it, the more I realized that setting boundaries is one of the healthiest things you can do, both for yourself and the people around you. Here's what worked for me—and it might just help you too:

Be kind and clear: One of the hardest lessons I learned was that I didn’t need to give a long-winded explanation or justify my no. A simple, “I appreciate the offer, and I can’t right now,” works wonders. It’s polite, AND firm.
Tip: Keep it short and sweet. Being kind doesn’t mean you have to over-explain. Respect your limits and make them clear.
Lose the guilt: I used to feel awful saying no, like I was letting everyone down. But I realized that I wasn’t doing anything wrong—I was just protecting my time and energy. Now, “Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m going to have to pass” has become a go-to line.
Tip: You don’t need to apologize endlessly. You’re allowed to prioritize yourself without feeling bad about it.
Put yourself first (without shame): Prioritizing your own needs doesn’t make you selfish, and it doesn’t mean you’re rejecting people. It means you’re recognizing that your time and energy are finite resources. It also means that you will have more energy to help others when you really need to.
Tip: Saying no to someone else is often a yes to your own peace of mind and well-being.
Pause before you commit: I used to say yes without thinking, just to avoid that awkward moment of saying no. Now, I give myself time to process by saying, “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.” This way, I’m not making commitments on the fly and I can see if I truly have the capacity.
Tip: It’s perfectly okay to hit pause before making a decision. A little breathing room goes a long way.
Offer an alternative (if you’re comfortable): Sometimes saying no feels easier if you can offer a suggestion that still helps the other person. For example, “I can’t help with that right now, but maybe Sarah has time to pitch in.”
Tip: Only offer an alternative if you genuinely want to, but never feel pressured. "No" on its own is enough!

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Now, I’m much more intentional with my yeses. I ask myself a few questions before committing:

Does this align with my goals? If the answer is no, I politely decline.
Do I have the mental and physical capacity? If I’m already feeling stretched, I know it’s time to say no.
Is this something I’m doing out of guilt or obligation? If guilt is the driving force, I remind myself that saying no is okay.

On the flip side, I say yes to things that genuinely excite me, challenge me in positive ways, or bring me closer to my goals. I’m not saying no to everything—but I’m much more selective now, and it’s been a huge relief.

Saying no takes practice, but with each time, it gets a little easier—and you’ll find that people often respect your honesty more than you think. The best part? You’ll have more time for the things that really matter to you, and less for the things that drain your energy. And that’s a win!

So, the next time you feel overwhelmed with yet another request, take a deep breath, pause, and remember: it’s okay to say no. You deserve it.